Constant Change

Adjustments (2).jpeg

I once believed that there would only be a few periods of my life where I would under-go “change”. They might exist around moments where education becomes a profession or within a geographical transition or perhaps shifting relationships. Now I see… this was an awfully naive position to be standing on (yeah I know I’m an idiot - let’s not all shout it at once).

I needed to begin treating it as such. Of course, MAJOR points of change can be observed and pointed at with a big stick like a Sunday afternoon at the witch trial. What I wasn’t focusing on were the underlying changes occurring every day; our relationships with family and friends, our health and general well-being, and possibly most abruptly, ourselves. I mean, each of these things are impacted daily, in choices we make with great frequency and little consideration.

I don’t believe micromanagement of our existence is the solution (not even I am that crazy). Though I do think exhibiting a manner of awareness that each day we have the opportunity to make choices is crucial. There is a path I’ve taken in 2020 that has fundamentally changed the way I approach these choices. It came about when I revisited some Kierkegaard and Nietzsche and begun looking at the ways these brilliant thinkers work has been applied toward creating daily positive changes.

How often are we asked what our dream is? Or “where do we see ourselves in 10 years?” (my cliche barometer has shattered). I despise these questions. Not because they are over used and are meant to have “correct answers” (b*******t) but rather because I feel they have funneled us into a sequence of expectations that don’t work for each individual.
In case you’re new here or tune out after the first line or two (that’s what I do) I’m not a big fan of “goals”, I never have been, they just don’t work for me. I’m almost entirely concerned with method and constantly asking myself; how can I improve what I’m doing now, how should and can my practice evolve? This for me has always been a more organic, sustainable ( & sensible) method of getting places.

With that said; I appreciate the power of goals (from a distance) and often wondered at what value I could skeptically ascertain from them. I begun to pull together this idea of cross referencing my current action with that of what my “ideal me” might be doing. It started out as a form of reflection that wound its way into almost every aspect of my day. In moments of hesitation “what would my ideal me be doing right now?” or times where I was falling into a lackadaisical atmosphere the acknowledgement that the best version of me would be spending his time differently quickly dragged me out of a stupor.
It’s not tied deeply to one explicit image of the future that I’m coursing toward, yet it’s enough to imply accountability within my process daily. It’s enough to encourage remaining focused for another hour. It’s enough to make the healthy choice at dinner and it’s enough to get me out of bed each morning.
Before we all think that my days are now saturated in productivity to the point where I’m drowning in work like some gill-less-fish; no. The best version of me isn’t a workaholic; he’s balanced, able to find time for rest, for work and for the people and communities around him, (he sounds foreign doesn’t he) but furthermore he’s committed to faith in something beyond his identity and autonomy. Returning to what grants that value, in the practice, rather than the goal itself.

When we begin thinking (seriously) about who we want to be and about the paths we wish we could take we begin to comprehend the attributes such an individual might possess. I suggest (and I promise I’m not getting paid to.. yet) that your write it down.
Take a full 30 minutes to write these things down. Take longer, see where the writing begins to take you.

While this isn’t an answer (to a question I haven’t entirely asked yet) I believe now that the answer isn’t in the asking or in some indomitable solution but rather in the commitment to continue searching - continue adapting. As I am writing this, I am, entirely, at ease with that.

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A Collection of Dreams II

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Being good vs Being best